WRITING
When Writing Critique Stings
How to get the most out of painful feedback
If you want to get better as a writer, you need feedback.
But what happens when that feedback feels awful? What if it stings?
What if it makes you want to give up?
And what do you do when you’re so-called critique partner comes at you with what feels like a personal attack?
You might even be wondering why you even subjected yourself to this.
First of all, all critique is uncomfortable. What writer wants to hear their writing is flawed?
Maybe it does hurt at first, but you get used to it.
Here’s how to take the sting out of writing feedback so you can get back to becoming a better writer.
Take the critique professionally, not personally
If you want to take yourself seriously as a writer, you need to learn to deal with feedback.
Remember that the person is a critiquing your work, not critiquing you.
To find out if the feedback has merit, you’ll need to sit with it for a bit.
It’s uncomfortable, but worth it. I promise.
When I submitted the first chapters of my most recent novel to my critique group, they were overwhelmingly critical of the story. The premise prompted strong opinions. And those opinions came out.
Yet not one of those opinions was about me as a person.
So don’t assume all feedback is a personal attack.
Take a deep breath, and sit with it for awhile. Did that person bring up a valid point, even if it wasn’t communicated well?
Even if the feedback is sharp, it isn’t the end of your writing career.
It’s just the beginning.
Don’t argue
It can be extremely tempting to want to set a confused reader straight.
But here’s a hard truth: if the reader misunderstood your writing, you left it open to interpretation.
Many critique groups have a rule against clarifying or arguing with a critique. You asked for feedback, so you’re getting feedback.
And in some cases, your reader may have personal values or opinions that may never click with your story as written.
Most of the time when you get critique like this, it’s more about the reader than you. So let it slide and move on.
You can’t please every reader.
But how do you know when there really is an issue?
Find the pattern
One person takes issue with your main character. The next critique points out an inability to connect with your protagonist.
And later, a critique partner mentions the character as “not very likeable”.
Now you’re on to something… but don’t take it literally.
If you took the advice straight from that critique group, you might be inclined to rewrite your character as a nicer person so they can be “likeable”.
Some characters shouldn’t be nice. Some characters are better left evil.
So what’s the point?
Look for the pattern. Every critique mentioned the main character, which means something about that character is off.
This is when you turn to resources on building characters. Some element must be missing, which is why all the readers picked up on it, just not in the same way.
The value in critique is not in the recommended fixes you get, it’s in the fact that you learn to analyze and fix your own writing.
And over time, you make fewer of those new writer mistakes.
Ask questions
But only ask questions if it’s allowed.
This isn’t permission to ask “the right” questions to justify your writing and get the reader to agree with you — it’s purely for clarification.
Maybe a critique seems like it’s coming from a good place, but it’s not clear what the problem was. Ask.
If you’re allowed to have discussions, maybe afterward, ask if their opnion would change if X was changed… or Y.
Sometimes that little bit of clarification gets you to the root of the problem.
But ultimately, go with your gut
Only you, the writer, knows where this story intends to lead the reader.
Trust yourself as a writer.
Remember that novel I submitted to the critique group? The unpopular one?
By the end, my critique group raved about the story.
I never changed that controversial premise. I only brought it out more as the story progressed. I trusted my gut.
The thing is, you can’t please everybody.
Not every reader will love your work.
But if the writing is executed well enough, your true fans will love it, and those who wouldn’t normally read your work will respect your storytelling abilities.
Stay true to the story, and true to yourself, and you can’t go wrong.
When things do go sideways
Unfortunately, critique can bring out the worst in some people.
When given a bit of power they get all egomaniacal and tear your work down.
Maybe it was something in your work that resonated with them (in which case, be proud of eliciting such a strong response!), or maybe they just felt like being brutal for the day.
Either way, you don’t have to take it.
If the group doesn’t rein that person in, contact the moderator/group leader.
Most groups have a group leader or moderator who is there to keep critique from morphing into attack.
Should you feel that a critique crossed that line, contact the moderator and ask them to intervene.
Sometimes a member of a group will just, for personal reasons, not be able to work with someone else.
They need to be reminded of the rules of the group. And if they can’t behave, they may be asked to leave.
If contacting the moderator doesn’t fix the situation, find a new critique group.
If critique isn’t coming from a place of mutual respect, and the rest of the group isn’t stepping in to stop a personal attack, that group is not right for you.
Walk out the door.
It’s time to find a group that values helping other writers improve.
Other helpful tips
- If your group tells you everything is great, that’s not helpful. Go back to them and ask them what you can improve.
- Digest the feedback. Rather than race back and make the changes in your manuscript, sit with the feedback for a day or two. You’ll see the bigger picture.
- Follow submission rules. Include page numbers, naming conventions, or any other formatting they want. This makes it easier on the reader. And you always want to make it easier on your reader.
Remember, critique is there to help you, not tear you down. If you feel like you aren’t getting the writing support you need, seek another source. Once you find your match, it’ll be worth all the pain of getting there. You’ll be a stronger writer, and a tougher human being.
