Writing
The Right Way to Deal With Rejection
Be professional to become a professional with these 5 tips
As writers, rejection is a part of our lives. It’s the hurdle we must clear, whether it be on our journey to publication, in pursuit of awards, or even in the form of one-star reviews.
Rejection is a right of passage.
And there’s definitely a professional way to handle it.
Recently, a writer friend asked how one of my projects was going. In response, I sat up straighter as I proudly admitted that I was getting better at managing the sting of rejection. This time I only needed a few hours to bounce back enough to send my thank you note. I was improving my reaction time.
Instead of joining in my celebration, she balked. “You thanked them for the rejection?”
Of course I did. Here’s why: Gratitude and professionalism make your career.
The writing industry may seem vast and impenetrable when you’re just starting out, but it’s comprised of many of the same people. Agents move to new literary agencies, or become editors. Contest coordinators work their way to getting hired by a publisher. Basically, people who like books gravitate toward this industry. So don’t burn bridges — you may run into that individual again.
Better yet, what if that one impression that person has of you is that you are gracious and professional, even when it’s most challenging? What if your “thank you” was the only one in an inbox full of angry and argumentative responses? That’s the sort of reputation that sets you apart.
While natural instinct might be to write back, “Are you crazy? Everybody who read this says it’s the next Harry Potter, so how can you not recognize talent right in front of your face?” Stop. Back away from the keyboard.
The publishing industry talks. Don’t be the story everybody shares because you let emotion get the best of you.
If you’re known for being good to work with, your reputation might be the difference between someone deciding whether or not to work with you. So every “no, thank you” or “we’ve decided to go in a different direction” becomes an opportunity to build your network and your credibility.
So what is the best way to handle rejection?
1. Feel the rejection
I know, the one thing you don’t want to do. But hiding from negative news only delays the “getting over it” part. And the goal is to get over it as quickly as possible.
For new authors, recognize this takes time. And it’s not a linear process. Each project may hold a different emotional weight. Some projects will receive a rejection and you’ll shrug, and others you might end up crying into a couch cushion. (Hypothetically speaking.)
Rather than trying to avoid feeling this way, acknowledge your disappointment. Say out loud “this sucks!” and wail a bit if you must. Call a friend and complain, or journal it out in angry pen strokes. And when you think you might be repeating yourself, it’s time to address that negative energy that’s accumulated in your muscle fibers.
2. Find an outlet for negative energy
Take a walk, go for a hard run, exhaust yourself with racketball, or whatever your physical exertion of choice. The point is to direct that pent-up energy somewhere other than your fingers so you don’t angrily type something you would regret.
Like, *ahem* on social media.
Do not — do not — use social media as your outlet.
People take screenshots. Just, don’t.
So to avoid doing something highly regrettable, you’ve got to defuse that tension.
For me, the first thing I do is lace up my sneakers and take a walk. Fresh air and movement always keep that negative energy from settling into my bones making me bitter.
Creative outlets are also great. Some authors have found fun ways to see the rejection from a different angle. Online there are pictures of incredible origami flowers made from rejection letters printed on colorful paper. The bouquet is big, bright, and colorful, and you can’t help but smile.
Other authors paper their walls with printed-out rejections as motivation.
And perhaps most famously, Steven King found his own outlet:
“By the time I was fourteen the nail in my wall would no longer support the weight of the rejection slips impaled upon it. I replaced the nail with a spike and went on writing.”
― Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft
My method is simple, and a bit boring by comparison: I acknowledge that rejection, then move it to a file folder that I never open. Just that physical act of moving the file helps me mentally shift into letting it go.
Whatever your energy outlet of choice, you need something physical or creative to occupy your brain so you’re not dwelling on the rejection.
3. Once that negative energy is gone, remember rejection is all part of the writing game
First we write, then we find out what we still need to learn.
How many of us started writing a novel before understanding even the basics of story structure? *Hand goes up* Yep, I was one of those boldly clueless writers. But I took the feedback and improved my craft.
The only way to get better is to try, fail, and try again.
And for what it’s worth, the people doling out rejections may not want to say “no” in the first place. So many factors go into an acceptance:
- How big is the candidate pool?
- Have they already accepted something similar?
- Was the judge/agent/publisher even your target audience? (Research helps avoid this, but in the end it can still be subjective.)
In some cases, the person you submitted to may desperately want the project, but they must get a whole committee to see the potential.
You won’t know the exact reason for rejection, and you never will. If you’re lucky, you maybe got some feedback, but ultimately you must shrug it off.
Don’t waste time worrying about what could have been. Focus on where to go from here.
4. Say “thank you”
Depending on the situation, a “thank you” is a great idea.
If you received a direct email from an actual person, send a thank you note. Keep it short (only a line or two) and professional.
Especially if an agent requested additional pages (or a full manuscript) and responded, send a thank you.
Remember, it might have been difficult for them to say “no” in the first place.
If your article will not be published with that magazine you have your eye on, follow up with a quick note thanking them for their time and consideration. Even a simple one-liner with gratitude will help that editor associate your name with positive feedback. And people are more likely to want to work with such a professional in the future.
5. Move on
As much as writers may not want to hear it, that first manuscript may not be “The One”. So the sooner you can overcome rejection, the sooner you can get back to writing and have another work to submit.
And unless you write in a vastly different genre, guess who you’ll be submitting to. The same people who had to reject the first manuscript.
So keep your chances for success high by making every interaction positive and professional. Think of it as expanding your brand as an authorprenuer. Be known for being the kind of person they want to work with, and give them reason to say “yes” the next time.
Rejection is a right of passage for writers. We bond over stories of rejections, and relish hearing success stories of writers who persevered through hundreds of rejections to become recognized household names today.
And the only way to become one of those is to move on.
Keep writing.
Keep honing your craft.
Keep pushing through the discomfort of rejection.
Be the kind of writer you would want to work with and your time will come!
